Stuff That Doesn't Suck
April 20, 2009
Stuff That Doesn't Suck - by Steve Wik
Men's Adventure Magazines of the 1950's & 60's
Because we at RWS care so very deeply about your emotional development and cultural awareness, we realized it was our duty to apply some of our vast resources to the education of the underprivileged.
 |
We figured, who could possibly be more competent to educate the ignorant masses about our shared cultural heritage than the guys who invented Krotchy? To that end, welcome to the first installment of Stuff That Doesn’t Suck, an ongoing educational exposé determined to probe the deepest bowels of artistic endeavor and illuminate the greasy polyps of PURE AWESOME for your edification.
Be aware however, that although I may pretend to be one while hitting on your mom, I AM NOT A SCIENTIST. Therefore, anything I say could very likely just be some sweet bullshit I made up to make the paragraph formatting fit better. Also, it’s quite likely that the topics covered in this and future installments may turn out to simply be a random collection of whack shit I personally think is spiffy. But you get what you pay for.
This month’s topic is the great American Men’s Adventure Magazine, the retarded cleft-palate, inbred cousin of the 1940’s Pulp magazines.
Back then, with the relentless fear of a Japanese kamikaze rape invasion that could come at any second, and the alarmingly persistent rumors concerning battalions of Giant Nazi Killbots swimming the Atlantic, the American population turned to “the Pulps”. These shittily produced digests provided endless hours of escape into the fantasy worlds of unflappable crime stoppers such as Doctor Satan and The Hangman for many years.*
 |
 |
*(Yes, I know those are pics of comic books, not Pulps. But I didn’t have any good Pulp covers on my hard drive and besides, that “Steamroller/Geneva Convention” caption was too sweet to waste.)
But after the secret armistice with the Illuminatii ended the war in 1945, the relieved public moved away from such flights of fantasy. Having emerged from a long nightmare of world conflict only to find themselves in a world of McCarthyist paranoia, homophobia, soviet nuclear ambitions, as well as rumors of escaped Nazi psychopaths continuing their depraved experiments on lingerie models and rampant animal attacks, the American public clearly needed a bold, new vehicle for escape.
So, the nation’s publishers in their infinite creativity and deepest understanding of the American psyche, decided that this perfect escape would come in the form of magazines about McCarthyist paranoia, homophobia, soviet nuclear ambitions, rumors of escaped Nazi psychopaths continuing their depraved experiments on lingerie models and rampant animal attacks.
Plus pictorials of naked chicks.
It was a formula that would prove successful for over two decades. But by the late 1960’s, magazines that were nothing BUT pictorials of naked chicks had become socially acceptable. Publishers suddenly realized it was unnecessary to pay writers to compose the stories and articles that their pervy “readership” had been pretending they were interested in, thus sealing the fate of the only truly unique American art form forever.
For some reason I can totally relate to the upside-down guy... the poor bastard is all perfectly set up for some sweet upskirt action, and the Nazi beyotch is wearing pants! PURE EVIL!
Er… what??
Apparently the news media has been suppressing stories of these rampant tortoise wildings. And also, why don't the idiot victims just step a few feet back from the incredibly slow moving pieces of shit and escape?
I really love the style this is painted in. The sweet redhead strapped to the totem pole doesn't hurt either. The face at the bottom of the totem pole knows what I'm sayin’.
The concept of a fur miniskirt eludes me. The low-cut fur blouse also seems of questionable thermal retaining value. And barefoot! WTF?!? She must be in the "Polar Bear Club". But most likely she is just desperately trying to freeze to death before the fight is over. I don't blame her. Those two goons are clearly WAY too into disco.
Part of the Nazis’ infamous “transplant gorilla arms onto lingerie models” program! I’m sure it sounded like a good idea to Hitler at the time…
An amazing display of teamwork by bats! About THREE of the tiny fuckers are somehow strong enough to hold back an entire MAN while the rest of them carefully peel off the hottie's clothes.
Something tells me the guy isn't really trying that hard to stop them...
Why we lost Vietnam.
More Articles by Steve Wik
Mars Attacks! Gum Cards |
POSTALLY-Oriented Gifts |
Bookmark/Search this post with:
Delicious | StumbleUpon | Propeller | Reddit | Newsvine | Furl | Facebook | Google | Yahoo | Technorati
