December 06, 2008

Top 10 Gifts For The Homicidal Maniac

Or Stuff That I Want - by Joe Cerniglia

10. IT PUTS THE JACKET ON ITS SKIN!!!! For those who want to dress like Buffalo Bill, now's your chance. Made of synthetic human skin this disgusting bit of apparel is sure to test the convictions of any PETA jackass.

9. This thing: For future zombie uprisings.

8. A T-Shirt Hell shirt: Many guaranteed to get you beat up in 10 seconds or less. They sell fucked up wrapping paper too!

7. A Coffin Shaped Pool table: superbadass and they also sell a coffin shaped rack!

6. Gene Simmons Axe Guitar: Screw playing rock band with wussy plastic guitars. I may hate KISS, but I love the guitar (sadly no XBox360 lovin yet- PS2/3 for now)

5. Villain's Chair: If you're gonna wreak havoc you'll need a comfy place to park your homicidal ass.

4. The KGB Flask: If you're gonna get all disorderly you may as well be drunk too.

3. Anything from Archie McPhee: Last time I went to Seattle I got to wander in his store and I've been addicted ever since. Where else can you buy a remote controlled zombie?

2. Crystal Head Vodka: Conceived by Dan Ackroyd (strangely enough) this vodka is distilled through crystals and the bottle would look pretty badass just sitting there on my shelf.

1. (TIE) The 10th anniversary Postal Box set -or- Postal Movie Posters: Shameless plug ...I'm biased....so what?! Buy something and we'll autograph it for ya!


Send all complaints to your mom.