Awesome preview. Wish it was longer :P

Yeah AWESOME preview guys, just full to the brim with NEWS. God, I'm so fucking pumped and relieved, I was worried Postal III was going in the completely wrong direction. SO MUCH NEW STUFF ABOUT POSTAL 3, listen up guys apparently there are going to be guns, and cats and the Postal Dude he's a guy and there might be walking. A walking animation might be in the game. There might also be an options menu in the menu but don't quote me on that one yet guys as I don't know if it's a 100% confirmed feature.

It's perhaps a little annoying that the preview never mentions how the game is played or what.. ya know... it is, I mean, it might as well be a turn based tactics game or maybe so not sure yet but from other stuff I've seen I think it's like third person, and you look at the back of a characters back, neck and hair for the entire game which is cool because now you can duck behind cover or cars(Maybe? Again guys just bear in mind it's not 100% reliable information so dont quote me on this ok)

But it does reveal a lot about the story. So this time you get to choose between being a freedom fighter or maniac or do whatever you want and pick up six cats and turn them into fireworks containers by placing a grenade inside them and next up you're facing off against social commentary so sharp and precise that upon release Trey Parker and Matt Stone immediately initiate a worldwide recall of every single VHS and DVD copy of Team America because it's just not funny anymore now that Postal 3 is moving, no soaring, into the next generation of comedy with Al Qaeda operatives that dress as Mexicans and because that's whimsical. Also factions are in the game because factions need to be in games and you can go to them and they have percentages of how much they like you and if you do a mission for one faction then another faction will like you less and vice versa because thats totally fucking awesome but not sure why right now. BTW, how often do you say the word factions? Its interesting. Good ideas people.

But guys it really is just so fucking cool that the series is using Leslie Nielsen movies and Leisure Suit Larry Magna Cum Laude as its main point of reference. Haha, there's that one film where Leslie pulls a squirrel out of his coat pocket and winks knowingly to the audience and then throws the squirrel at a criminal and it goes crazy and his clothes dey get ripped up lol its funny because animals don't usually do that in real life and this is comedy world and animals are funny but monkeys are funniest lol theyre so funny for no reason thats the joke dude!!! Which is a complete and utter genius direction for a game to take, I mean think about Postal's fanbase of goths, trenchcoat mafia and trendsettes, they're going to just love riding around on comedy segways and firing into the skybox, then getting off and clicking on people with cartoon animals, but not before running into a shop that stocks three jars and a physics-enabled collection of chairs. It's just so perfect and the way they have captured the very essence of Postal 1, which was released years ago to much fanfare and critical acclaim, with sales going through the roof, mainly its novel mix of orangutan hammers, tennis ball launchers strapped to hats, and vibrant colorpalette proving particularly instrumental to the original's success. In the world of video games, its slapstick comedy that shifts units.

God, just... just no. What utter shit. I'm really disappointed in everything here. This is all about as informative as reading the announcement press release from two years ago, but worst of all it never highlights anything exciting and instead uses TEDIUM to try and get you excited about the game.

Like this helpful description of how missions work. "One mission, for instance, required collecting 6 cats for 'scientific purposes"
Wow, that sounds awesome I can't wait to collect six cats. I hope there's a progress tracker on-screen. So if I have two out of the six cats, it says 2/6 somewhere on my screen!!!

"Stick a grenade into a cat, toss it to your enemies and you will see some real fireworks. The only problem is that angry cats are rather unpredictable and they may come and chase you as well, severing some of your limbs in the process." Oh right, I see, that's the only problem is that angry cats are unpredictable.

And then, this:

"This same mission illustrated a cause and effect mechanism too: the diminishing cat population made the local sushi place angry with us for hogging all their kitchen supplies."

WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS MEAN? What the.. fuck. I want to kill myself oh god fuck.

"We saw the game back in 2008 and are happy to report that the graphics have improved since. Better yet, more polish is being added still."

NO. NO NO NO. You fucking idiot! CUNT! You selfish, selfish fucking cunt! HOW? HOW HAVE THEY IMPROVED? Why is more polish being added, WHAT THE HELL give us some information. Thanks.

"The game doesn't aim to be politically correct either."

NO WAY. . aim, it aims and misses from what I'm reading and seeing here because it's about as controversial as The Simpsons. Holy shit quote that on the cover. And then issue a press release. Or instead use this gem, the grand finale of this stunning piece of video games insight:

"If you are looking for storyline, consistency and political correctness, Tetris is a safer bet for you. If, however, you are looking for a mad challenge and wet underwear, then Postal III looks to be a fantastically fun game."

Ok. How the FUCK is Tetris politically correct? It's a game set in Moscow and has you making lines out of abstract blocks what the fuck. Yeah thanks for the advice I think I'll go get myself a copy of Tetris because I'm looking for storyline, consistency and political correctness in my games thank you very much you condescending, judgemental fucking prick. OK OK I'm in the game shop, excuse me salesman but I'm looking for a game with storyline, consistency and political correctness. Can you help me. Yes sir we've got Tetris here in-stock today, it comes with a limited edition art and storyboard book in a cinematic vignette and Tetris block statue to shove your 'wet underwear' (which btw. is up there in the INSTANTLY CREATE THE FEELING OF NAUSEA WITH JUST TWO WORDS Top 10 charts along with 'hair mucus' so I guess that's good) Who the hell says wet underwear? I have a strong suspicion the author is 14 years old and into heavy metal. One phone call and you're arrested pal Postal is intended as a kinda M for Mature game. Mm.

I didn't even get into the puns on parade all over this shit but if you're interested, read any sentence and be amazed at the comedic genius.

"[..] Nothing says poetic justice like beating a Sombrero wearing member of Al Qaeda to death with the severed limb of one of his brothers in arms (pun intended). Less poetic and even a tad less effective - but equally fun - is using beehives as either grenades or proximity mines. Quite a buzz…"

What, so the buzz one wasn't intended? What? You fucking cretin. OK I'm done, but just...

What the fuck people. FUCK. What happened.

tl;dr

Seriously, you signed up just to type all that? You go make a video game with the amount of people and funding RWS has, then try to find the time to let everybody on the fucking planet know just where in the development stage you're at.

desk of daughters, you will be pleased to know there is indeed a progress tracker on-screen for the cat mission, so you will know exactly how many cats you have collected. Awesome eh?

I gotta say that's a pretty epic rant, beats your advantage 'THIS FUKIN SUXX!!!!' comment you get on youtube. This guy put his heart and soul into explaining why he hated it, fully displaying the emotions felt.

What makes it even more funnier is his good use of grammar, it's the most well written, 'WTF' rant I have ever seen. Paragraphed nicely and uses single lines well to make his point. I think you sir should go into Video game reviews because it's that kinda shit I wanna read. Good, honest, well articulated anger and disappointment, no holds barred.

Well, I guess you don't know good grammar then. Your post reflects that, anyway.

Ha yeah maybe. I was just joking at the amount of effort put into it, I don't think I've ever seen anyone as disappointed at something so trivial.

Я Нихрена не понимаю, Что у вас тут Написано, Но если Кто нибудь знает Русский Скажу Это Лучшая серия Игр которые я когда либо видел... Скажите Пожалуйста Когда выйдет, или вышел ли Уже Постал 3. Заранее Спасибо... POSTAL FOREVER !!!

Postal III is not for those who are easily offended, or even for those with a weak stomach. If anything the game's primary audience can probably be found along borderline maniacs, which - to be more precise - means most gamers."

Who's a maniac? ;P

when it will appear postal 3?